Did you know there is a proper way to eat chocolate? Have you been doing it wrong? We're supposed to recognize the life in your body as you ride the natural high of chillies...

It's called the "Art Of Eating Chocolate." I found the directions at Vosges Chocolate. They also explain how to sip liquid chocolate and how to eat a truffle using etiquette and sophistication.

No, you don't just shove it in your mouth like a hooligan with no manners. It's said if you don't have the time to eat chocolate properly then don't do it at all. You need to linger and grab all the pleasure you can from it.

Yes, we are talking about chocolate.

How to Eat an Exotic Candy Bar

SEE. There should be a glossy shine to the chocolate bar, this shows a good temper; rather, a tight bond between the cocoa butter and the cocoa mass.

SMELL. Rub your thumb on the chocolate to help release the aromas. Inhale the chocolate and ingredient notes deeply through your nose. Can you feel it?

SNAP. Quality chocolate should always be dry to the touch. Break the bar into two pieces. Hear a crisp, ringing snap, which indicates a well-tempered bar of chocolate.

TASTE. Place the chocolate on your tongue and press it to the roof of your mouth. Within thirty seconds, the chocolate should slowly begin to melt around your tongue. The taste should not be evanescent; it should have a long, lingering finish.

FEEL. Recognize the life in your body as you… benefit from the anti-oxidants in chocolate, ride the natural high of chillies, boost your immune system with some of the natural ingredients. Each bar brings its own sensations and benefits. Notice how spicy bars don’t hit you until after you have swallowed.

Last but not least some words of wisdom from The Guardian:

– Do not be That Guy. The one who prevaricates endlessly, reading through the choices like they are buying a house. It is a chocolate. If you don’t like it, you can have another one.

– Likewise, if you are choosing from a tall box, take one from the first few layers. You cannot empty the whole box out, count each type of chocolate and only after consulting a complex mathematical formula (number and categories of chocolate against predicted consumption patterns, according to the number of people in the room), make your choice.

– Don’t hog all the good ones on the first round. Don’t go to the second layer while there are chocolates left on top. That is what a Tory would do. Morally upright Guardian readers should be willing to share the pain of the unwanted coffee cream and those weird nougat ones. It is socialism in action.

– Don’t put the empty wrappers back in the box. It is the first step toward anarchy.

So, chocolate: how do you eat yours? Remember it's chocolate, not candy.

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