New DNA Evidence Says Bigfoot Exists, New York State DEC Says No Way
Last month we covered a story about Spike TV running a new show called the 10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty which offers the prize to anyone who can prove unequivocally that the big hairy monster actually exists. Looks like someone may have a chance to take the edge off of losing the Powerball if her finding holds up!
A Bigfoot-sceptical veterinarian in Texas who has studied forensics and genetics for 30 years decided to embark on a 5-years study and took hair, blood and urine samples from proposed sighting locations and says the DNA found in them proves that it came from none-other than the tall, hairy bi-pedal ape-man. What’s even more bizarre is that she claims that Bigfoot was birthed from a human who decided to get frisky with an unknown ape species no longer than 15 millennia ago. Yup, I just gagged. But because of this pairing, Sasquatch is uncommonly intelligent for a primate (which are smart already) which is why the species has been able to avoid wide-spread detection all of this time. The leading scientist in Russia on the forefront of this topic cautions us all:
“For many years, people have refused to believe they exist. Now that we know that they are real, it is up to us to protect them from those that would hunt or try to capture them for research or for sport. They should be left alone to live as they live now. After all, they are our relatives.”
However, the NYS Dept of Environmental Conservation says no worries, there’s nothing to protect anyway. A Bigfoot enthusiast asked the DEC to provide protection for the beast and their chief wildlife biologist had this to say:
“This mythical animal does not exist in nature or otherwise. I understand … that some well organized hoaxes or pranks have occurred leading some people to believe that such an animal does live. However, the simple truth of the matter is that there is no such animal anywhere in the world. I am sorry to disappoint you.”
So, this looks like the battle of the experts for now and all we can do is continue to speculate, for now. I went to Bigfoot’s Facebook page and he had no comment. Funny, you can’t find him in real life but he has no problem socially networking with his less-hairy cousins. This is really easy, all we have to do is find the technician that hooked up Bigfoot’s wifi and he’ll lead us right too him! Even more funny is that he lists himself as a public figure… Ahem, Hardly. I wonder if he bought Powerball tickets too…