Every year I enjoy hearing some Christmas classics on the radio. Every time I hear the Muppets "12 days of Christmas", I can't help but smile. Who doesn't love Beaker singing “Meep, Meep”. However, I want to pull my ear drums right out every time I hear the Newsong with “Christmas Shoes”. Here's my rant on why “Christmas Shoes” is the worst Christmas Song ever made, and possibly the worst song in existence. 

This story represents the views of this author, not the radio station.

Every year radio stations get call after call for someone wanting to hear this gem. People think it's a cute song, and it's a great story. What part of a little boy's mother dying on Christmas Eve seems cute or a great story?

“Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama,

please It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size

Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time

You see she's been sick for quite a while

And I know these shoes would make her smile

And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight”

First off: Where is this little boys father? My father would never let me leave the house with old worn clothing like this little boy, especially on Christmas Eve alone. He'd make sure I was dressed up nice and warm before leaving the home in winter during December. I understand he may be stressed out, but he should make sure his child is safe.

Second: If this little boys mother is dying, why isn't the father making sure he is home with his mother? If this is her final moments of life why wouldn't the father want the boy by her side? I think shoes can wait, don't you? Especially considering they are shoes for a coffin.

Third: Christmas music is suppose to make you happy, not make you cry. Christmas music is about Santa making kids dreams come true, the Lord being born, and Italian Donkeys bringing kids toys. How does dying mother fit in?

Sounds more like a Halloween song to me.

Again, these are my views on the song. They may change over time, but for now, it has to be the most depressing song I've ever heard. What do you think of this song?


Patton Oswalt's NSFW Christmas Shoes Rant:



Here's a classic: