12 Reasons You Weren’t Accepted Into Marvel’s Avengers
The Avengers might be a group of elite crime fighters and superheroes assembled to save the world from the onslaught of unforgiving evil, but even they have an human resources department to weed out undesirables.
There must’ve been a long line of superheroes who didn’t make the cut for one reason or another that prompted the folks at S.H.I.E.L.D. to tell them they would keep their resumes on file if any other openings became available. If you’re still waiting to get even that pithy response, here are some reasons to finally give up hope.
1. No one makes an Iron Man suit with a super-stretch waistband.
2. Your superpower is being able to eat a whole McRib in under a minute.
3. Technically, you’re a super villain since you green-lit ‘Jersey Shore.’
4. You accused The Incredible Hulk of juicing in a tell-all book.
5. You listed Aquaman as a reference on your resume.
6. Your battle-cry catchphrase is “I’m goin’ out for tacos!”
7. Whenever you put on your white form-fitting suit, people ask for your autograph because they think you’re the Michelin Man.
8. During your interview, you vowed to fight for “truth, justice and the way that gets me home by 5 o’clock.”
9. The biggest fight you ever got into was in the comments section for a YouTube video of a kitten on a treadmill.
10. Your plan to fight the alien race trying to destroy the world is by sending them a bunch of pizzas they didn’t order.
11. Your hidden weakness is that you can be totally immobilized if your enemy shoots you in the face.
12. The biggest benefit that you can bring to the team in the field is that you’ll be the first to volunteer for a beer run.