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11 Things To Do With Utica Greens Other Than Eating Them

Are you not a fan of Utica Greens? Well you don’t always have to eat them, you can use them for all sorts of things. 

1) Use It Instead Of Tape To Hang Things On Walls

Matias Nieto/Cover/Getty Images

Why waste money on tape and tacks when you can use the greasy glue power of Greens? Just like Elmers Glue, just a little dab will do.


2) Seal A Hole In A Leaking Boat

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Is your boat sinking? Did you remember to bring your favorite snack? How about shoving it in the hole. Leaks will stop instantly.


3) You Could Use It As Deodorant

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Why spend so much money for lame smells like coconut and peach when you can smell like garlic, cheese, and spinach?


4) Become The Utican Banksy

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Instead of using paint, use the Greens. They can form any art considering you have a ton of colors to work with, and look like a pile of vomit.


5) In East Utica Use It As Currency

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Why even bothering carrying cash in East Utica when you can just barter with Greens? Imagine trying to pay for a Utican Pie with another Utican food…. Classic.


6) Shoe Polish

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All the oil and grease will make those loafers shine.


7) Use It As A Mud Mask

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Finally, the appropriate Utica Facial that won’t get talked about on Topix. Throw some Greens on your face and you’ll feel like a 10 year old once again.


8) Make The Utica Sign Look Historic

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Let’s make the Utica Sign look a little classier. Just like how ivy grows on historic buildings, we can add Greens to the sign and make it look amazing.


9) Replace The Teddy Bear Toss With Prosciutto Pitch

Thomas Niedermueller/Getty Images

Wouldn’t you love to see a whole pile of Greens on the Ice at the Aud? I would. The only time you’d like Greens served on ice.


10) Use As A Path Back To Utica From “All The Way” To Rome

John Moore/Getty Images

Just like Hansel and Gretel, when you take trips “All the way to Rome”, you can leave a path of Greens on the road so you know how to find your way back. Birds will eat the breadcrumbs, not the Greens.


11) Fill Pot Holes Up In Utica

Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images

Could you imagine a drive down Elm Street, or a drive up Route 12 and not hit every single pot hole? Simple solution to the problem…. Use Greens.




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